She barely caught him. Emily had felt like they were Tom and Jerry over the last few days, but she thought he was just processing the whole situation. Then she caught him almost tiptoeing outside the house. He looked surprised to see her like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar at midnight.

“What’s with the bags? Where are you going?” Emily asked Harry.

He stammered. He wasn’t prepared for this conversation, which was why he had chosen to sneak out when she wasn’t there. It was easier that way.

“Harry, where are you going with so much luggage?” Emily asked him.

He only managed to string together, “I’m sorry,” in a shaky voice as he hurried out of there.

The last month had been filled with tears for Emily because of the two-centimetre mass growing in her breast. She didn’t think she could spare tears for anything else, but life has a funny sense of humour.

After watching Harry leave, she tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up. She rushed into their bedroom and found his side of the closet empty. There was a letter left for her. Emily took the letter with dread. She knew she wouldn’t like whatever was inside.

She sat on the carpet in shock. Her world was upside down, and she didn’t see any of it coming. A few weeks earlier, they had been planning out the rest of their lives with Harry. A journey that had begun six years earlier had been on course until four weeks ago.

Both ambitious and intentional, they had decided to get married, save up for a couple of years, work their way up in their respective careers, and, when they felt they were on solid ground, expand their family with kids. They had achieved most of those goals and dreams. Harry had managed to pursue a master’s degree in IT, which had helped him get great opportunities.

Emily had been involved in many projects at her workplace and had been promoted to management in about three years. They had got their finances in order and could now have children without worrying too much about the sacrifices involved.

Emily had gone to hospital for a check-up because the health insurance renewal was coming up. She hadn’t been sick all year long and thought it would be a good time to use her cover. It was one of those things people do casually. She also needed the day off.

Then she saw all the cancer awareness banners since it was October and thought getting checked was a good idea. “I’ll hopefully be a mum soon so…” Emily told herself.  She was on her phone, listening to podcasts, watching shows, and checking emails because, despite having a day off, she expected the occasional calls and ‘urgent’ matters. She even had time to get her ears cleaned.

Then one of the doctors gave her a feeling that something was wrong. The doctor, who had been all chatty Kathy with her, suddenly went silent. Emily knew something was wrong despite the doctor’s reassurances. A couple of more tests later, in the course of a few days, there was a definitive diagnosis. The C word was dropped.

“I have breast cancer,” she said to Harry as though she needed to say it out loud.

Harry hugged her as she cried. They had told her she was lucky they had caught it early and that it was treatable, but she wasn’t on the positivity train yet. All she could think about was that she could die. Harry promised to be with her throughout the treatment, and so did her family and friends.

She started treatment immediately. The adjustment was hard. She hated everything that was happening, and she cried a lot when she thought no one was listening. She also read a lot about her condition and possible scenarios. She read and thought about her reproductive choices and cried.

They had waited and planned out their lives, and when they were about to hit that milestone, the illness complicated their plans. The doctor told her to focus on healing first, and then they could figure out the rest later. Emily followed the doctor’s advice, but Harry’s mind was elsewhere.

Everyone had been focusing on Emily, so they barely noticed him. He made his thoughts known in the letter he’d left Emily. “I’m not strong enough for all of this,” he’d written. The burden of caregiving, the anxiety of not knowing what lay ahead for Emily’s health and their family, was more than he could handle.

“I know I’m a coward for doing this this way, but I hope you’ll forgive me one day,” Harry ended the letter as though his acknowledgement of cowardice made it less deplorable.

Emily’s sister had joined her immediately. Emily told her what had happened. She found Emily looking at their wedding photo album.

“Do you know he vowed to be with me for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, in front of God and all our family and friends?” Emily cried.

“You don’t deserve any of this,” said Emily’s sister.

The alarm went off. It was time to take her pills. She still had a life to fight for.

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