When you meet someone who has almost everything you’re looking for, you waste no time. Dan and Elsie could see themselves spending the rest of their lives together. They were both calm and collected individuals and felt compatible in so many ways.

After a year of dating, they decided to move in together. Since both had incomes, they decided to hold joint accounts for home expenses and a savings account. Each contributed a certain percentage of their income to household expenses. However, the savings account was a 50/50 input since they put the same amount per person each month.

Everything was running smoothly because they were the kind who accounted for expenses in Excel sheets. Both knew exactly how much they were spending on everything and readjusted when circumstances changed.

Then Dan reconnected with some of his campus buddies. Elsie liked it because Dan didn’t have too many friends. They were a group of guys who seemed to be doing well in life. They had those groups which meet every three months. While those meetings included nyama choma and drinks, they were also a good opportunity to network and exchange ideas on how to move forward.

It must have been after the third or fourth meeting when Dan came home with an idea. After discussions in the group, they had an investment idea to buy a vast piece of land, which none of them could buy on their own and then develop it after a couple of years.

Dan ran the idea by Elsie. She was receptive to the idea until Dan mentioned that he wanted to use the funds in the joint savings account to join the group project. According to Dan’s numbers, that would have meant taking up almost 90% of the account balance.

Elsie was concerned. On her end, while Dan was with the boys, she was also seeking growth opportunities. She’d taken up reading on investment options and had found some plausible ones. When they opened the joint savings account, they had both agreed not to rush to invest the money without a proper plan. Now, as fate would have it, they had two ideas at the same time.

Elsie tabled her idea. It had better yields in a shorter period.

“You can use the yields to pour into this project,” Elsie told Dan.

“But I need the buy-in right now,” Dan told her.

“Maybe take out a loan or use the money from your personal savings account?” Elsie asked him.

“But this would be an investment for us. Why take out a loan when the funds are already there?” Dan asked her.

“My idea has fewer risks. This would be jointly owned land, and I get that makes it easier to do the project, but it also introduces complications. Plus, the whole project is very capital-intensive,” Elsie told Dan.

They each had strong opinions against each other’s ideas and couldn’t resolve the stalemate quickly. Meanwhile, Dan’s friends were pressuring him on his share of the amount. It put him in an awkward position because, during the meeting, he sounded sure he was part of it. They didn’t know that he needed Elsie’s go-ahead to use those funds. He also didn’t think that he would receive any pushback from Elsie.

“You know this is why you don’t discuss such things with women,” said one of his friends.

The back-and-forth between Elsie and Dan went on for another week. Elsie tried to show him her calculations while Dan was focused on showing her the bigger picture.

“I feel like you’re questioning my leadership as the head of the house,” Dan told her.

“I respect you, but I can’t agree with you blindly,” Elsie responded.

“So you don’t trust my judgment?” Dan asked.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” said Elsie.

“You’re making me look bad in front of the guys,” said Dan.

“Why did you commit our money without discussing the matter with me first?” Elsie asked him.

The conversation skewed towards Dan claiming that Elsie didn’t respect him or trust him. Eventually, Dan looked for funds from elsewhere, but they also closed the joint accounts and started doing things separately. The whole incident caused a huge crack in their relationship.

Elsie began to feel that Dan didn’t listen to or ask for her opinion on matters that affected them both, even when she had good points. Dan treated everything Elsie said like an argument and started acting like an authoritarian. They had started out as equal partners, but then Dan started acting like a traditional man. It didn’t take long for them to end things.

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