It was a big day for me. I was starting a new job at a bigger firm that I had wanted to work at since I graduated. That was five years ago. I fussed over every little detail. Did I look great? Would I make a great first impression with my bosses and colleagues? I needed everything to be perfect.

“I don’t know why you’re nervous. It’s just a job like any other,” said Kevin, my boyfriend.

“It’s not just any job. I have planned every step to get me to this day. It’s a big deal to me,” I told him.

I left the house immediately. Kevin could minimise my concerns, and I wasn’t ready for that kind of energy.

David was the first person I met when I arrived at the company. I bumped into him at the gate.

“Good morning. New face?” David said.

“Good morning. First day here,” I said.

“Wonderful. Welcome, you’ll love it here. Which department?” David asked.

“Data,” I responded.

“Marketing. I’m David.”

We were headed to the same floor, so we talked a bit. That was the beginning of a wonderful relationship with a colleague. David became a pillar as I navigated through the new work environment. Through him, I became friends with other people in the company since he was a social person. He even introduced me to other people in the same line of work, but working for our competition.

“It’s important to interact with others if you want to grow,” he told me repeatedly.

I was thriving at work, and it was evident. I was invited to company dinners with top management from the parent company when they were in the country, and I also worked on major projects. It also reflected in my pay.

During my interactions with others in the data sector, I was told about certain certifications that could make me more marketable and help me earn higher pay. I told Kevin about it. I also told David about it since we were close friends now. In fact, most people referred to him as my work spouse.

Furthering your studies while you work is so hard. It tested my time management skills to the limit and still required me to prioritise work while staying up to date with my studies. I carved out time in the evenings, on weekends, and during work breaks when I could.

During this period, the reactions of the people around me were different. Kevin had just finished his Master’s degree. I had been there for him, making compromises so that he could achieve his goal. Now it was my turn, but he was an added burden.

“We hardly spend time together anymore. You prioritise everything ahead of me,” Kevin complained.

“You know what I am working on. I can’t see how else to go about this,” I said.

“But you don’t even cook for me as much as you used to,” he whined.

He brought up that conversation as I was struggling to understand a complex concept, and I wondered how that man was talking about food while I was trying to grasp Math concepts.

“Maybe you could cook too,” I said angrily. I had just poured gasoline into the fire.

Meanwhile, at work, David went out of his way to make my life easier.  He noticed how much I had neglected healthy eating and would carry an extra plate of food for me or order takeout for me every so often.

When I took the exams, I failed. It was crushing because, besides failing, that exam was costly. However, I really wanted to get the certification, so I had to retake the course.

Kevin had a field day with my failure. He made me feel dumb and as though that was my karma for neglecting him and the relationship.

I talked to David about my results. By now, I could feel the chemistry between David and me, but I didn’t want to complicate anything, so I didn’t even tell him about Kevin.

“What do you think happened with the exam?” David asked.

We had a lengthy discussion. A few days later, he told me he’d talked to a friend who’d done the same course and introduced us. That was so helpful to me. With David’s friend’s help, I was able to figure out where I was going wrong. I also learned so much about my industry and potential career paths.

Kevin had now become obsessed with me and what I was paying attention to that wasn’t him. Our interactions made it feel like I was supposed to be making it up to him for something I was doing wrong. He never asked me about my work, studies or goals.

I slowly took back the sets of clothes I used to keep at his place and reduced the number of times I would go there. Noticing the change, he tried to act sweet, but it was a little too late. I broke up with him a week before my exam retake. Fortunately, this time I passed. I have acknowledged that I like David, but I still don’t think dating him while he’s still a colleague is a wise decision.

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