Did you know that in Japan, food businesses are required to use visuals that closely match the actual product? If a cookie’s packaging shows a thick cookie with a specific arrangement of chocolate chips, you can expect the cookie inside to have the same shape, colour, and chip placement. Pretty exciting and reassuring, right? As I marvelled at this information, I wondered why romantic partners can’t come with accurate labels.

For instance, my last girlfriend, I thought I had found a ‘safe space’, but her loose mouth turned my life into a constant courtroom where I played the co-accused, defence attorney and judge. Sometimes I played multiple roles in one issue. If you heard her talk, you would understand how I got into this mess in the first place.

Not to downplay her beauty, because Sophia is strikingly beautiful. She enjoys her somewhat baggy clothes, so it hits you like a pleasant surprise when she occasionally wears something figure-hugging when the curves show. Luckily, I didn’t need to wait for the rare occasions to get a glimpse of it.

We met at a mutual friend’s shindig. My friend is full of life and loud; her party was no different. The number of women exceeded the number of men, and at some point, there was a heated discussion on women versus men. I’m refraining from using the word ‘feminism’ because I can still hear Sophia’s voice correcting my understanding of the concept. In fact, that discussion drew me to her. She had one of those voices you could listen to forever, and it helped that she had arguments that I felt held water.

As the night got crazier, my social battery ran low, and I looked for a spot not too far from the rest of them to have a smoke. She came my way shortly after to pick up a call away from the noise. I offered her a cigarette, which she politely declined.

“Left the bickering for some star gazing?” Sophia asked.

“Oh God, no! The apartment-to-apartment housing culture in this city has long since killed my intrigue with nature,” I replied.

“Maintaining a child-like wonder, is the term they use. I hear you, though. Life’s chaos can drain away all that. I like nature, though. It’s very calming,” Sophia said.

We talked for over two hours when one of her friends came looking for her. She was about to leave and was supposed to be Sophia’s ride home.

“I’ll drop you home,” I quickly offered.

Sophia smiled.

“You don’t even know where I live,” she said.

“I’m hoping you don’t say Kitengela, but if it is, I’ll view it as a road trip,” I joked.

It was getting chilly, so we moved the conversation to my car. There was still loud music and discussions at my friend’s party. Talking to Sophia felt like talking to a therapist and friend simultaneously. She was very different from me, but I felt seen. I didn’t even need to explain to her that although I enjoyed hanging out with friends, I quickly got drained and required pockets of recharging. We went on an official date the following day and started dating shortly after.

She seemed to get along with my friends. I liked that. A few months into dating, I woke up on a Saturday morning to strange messages from the boys’ group chat. The boys were angry that I had shared some information with Sophia. I wondered how they knew about it. It turned out they had bumped into Sophia the previous night, and in the name of being friendly, she joked about the pictures I had shown her of one of our boys’ bachelor parties.

It was a crazy night, full of compromising events. The kind that some girlfriends might not appreciate. But not mine. We had the type of relationship where we laughed about such things. I told her she couldn’t tell anyone about it.

Sophia argued that she didn’t see any harm in talking to the boys about it. “I haven’t told their girlfriends,” she defended herself.  Luckily, men quickly move on from such matters, but I was embarrassed. Dealing with her was another matter altogether. She accused me of choosing my friends over her.

I should have learned my lesson, but her beautiful voice whispering things in my ear, making me feel like I could trust her again, made me drop my guard until the next time, when we were invited to another friend’s co-ed baby shower. I was excited for the couple because they’d had a series of miscarriages. I mentioned it to Sophia as we were shopping for gifts. I didn’t think she would use this information to make small talk with the mum-to-be.

Sophia had never met the couple before, so the mum-to-be felt like I had betrayed her when a stranger reminded her of her darkest moments. This dealt a heavy blow to that friendship. It almost ruined the baby shower. The conversation triggered the pregnant friend so much that her husband had to calm her down. We had to leave the event early.

Sophia was armed with tears and half-baked defences, and when they didn’t work, she gave half-assed apologies. It wasn’t just about spilling information, but the insensitivity of bringing it up at that moment changed my perception of her. We officially broke up months later when I got tired of apologising for things she’d said. I was also exhausted of having to watch what I said around her. At some point, I resorted to silence. That wasn’t the package I thought I was buying into.

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