Are you the kind of person who goes down a rabbit hole trying to figure out why something went wrong and what you could learn from it? Well, I am. I couldn’t decide what the Universe was trying to whisper on this occasion. On the one hand, I thought of a concept I picked from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist that says, ‘It is written’. He argues that our destinies are predetermined and that everything that happens should happen. On the other hand, I thought of a Swahili saying, ‘siku utakayoenda uchi ndiyo utapatana na mkweo’ which translates to on the day that you decide to walk naked, you’ll bump into your mother-in-law. Only in this case, it was my boyfriend’s family nanny.

I had been dating Eric for slightly over a year. We were at that stage in the relationship when we spent enough time in each other’s houses, which warranted some closet space. That particular week, I was working on a time-consuming project, so we decided that I should stay at Eric’s. That way, we can ensure we communicate daily, and he could ensure  I was feeding properly. He often scolded me about my poor feeding habits.

Four days into the week, my boss announced an impromptu trip because one of the project’s clients was around and wanted to meet the team for a progress report. I didn’t have enough clothes at Eric’s, so he helped me pick some from my place and bring them over. Lacking the luxury of time, I made a mess while packing.

“No problem,” Eric told me.

Well, it turns out it was a colossal problem. The cleaning lady was scheduled to clean the following day, but fell ill. Eric decided to ask his family’s nanny to help out. She was pleased to do it. In any case, she would also be doing his family the favour of knowing that he was living well and everything was okay.

The family’s nanny, Lydia, went to Eric’s house the following day. She was not amused to find the tornado I had left while packing, and Eric had made no effort to tidy up. In addition to that, she expressed disappointment over finding two sets of dirty sheets and my bras in the laundry basket. Her perception of me was settled when she found an empty fridge, yet she could tell he was living with a woman.

It was settled. She had to tell Eric’s mother to warn him to find another woman. It would have been funny if Lydia’s opinion didn’t carry much weight in their household. She had raised Eric and his siblings since he was six, and he was the firstborn. She was more of a family member than an employee. Eric’s mother trusted her. Additionally, Lydia knew some of the things that mattered to Eric’s mother.

After disapproving of the state she found the house in, it was decided I wasn’t a suitable mate for their son. She jokingly told Eric that she hoped I wasn’t the woman I was planning on taking home as she cooked some of the ingredients she had come with, like uji flour. Eric dismissed the statement.

A week later, his mother asked to meet him. During the meeting, she mentioned that Lydia had told her he was living with a woman. Eric confirmed the suspicion.

“Now, there’s a lady I want you to meet,” she told him. They were later joined for lunch by the said lady. She was the daughter of one of her friends. This one was already vetted.

At first, we didn’t take it seriously until the mother introduced him to a few other women when the previous introductions didn’t take off. She also spoke to him about the traits to look for in a woman as he sought a wife. His attempts to tell her that he was already dating were ignored.

After some strife between mother and son, she decided to host me for lunch. It was my chance to redeem myself, I thought. However, my efforts were inconsequential as I soon learned when she started inquiring about me. I was all shades wrong. I wasn’t religious enough, didn’t know enough about traditions, had different views on family, and came from one with different beliefs.

The lunch couldn’t have gone worse if Tyler Perry had scripted it. Eric did nothing to defend me. It felt like an ambush. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t survive for long after that encounter.  

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