Perhaps love’s first duty is to listen. I was never going to be a diehard sports fan—not when Brian loved football, basketball, rugby, tennis and track events. I could hardly keep up with the number of players per game, the different fouls, and the defence and offence strategies for each. I thought I deserved a cookie for even knowing a few terms, but Brian looked so frustrated when I mixed them up as we watched the games, so I stopped asking.
I enjoyed watching track events. Obviously, because I’m Kenyan and how hard can it be to follow a few people running to the finish line? I also enjoyed watching Brian’s eyes light up when he talked about things he loved. He would get so animated as he got lost in the world he was talking about. His ultimate love was basketball, evidenced by his dedication to watching 3 and 4 A.M matches.
I wasn’t going to wake up at that time, but I listened to him as he spoke about the games, even with his friends. I knew the team he supported and his top players a couple of months into dating him. You know, the kind of information you need when getting someone a gift.
That was the explanation I gave my best friend when I told her I was breaking up with Brian.
“You’re breaking up with him because he loves sports?” Angela, my best friend, asked.
I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Angela said. “What did he do?”
“It’s a combination of what he did and didn’t do,” I said. “You know the farming project I started?”
“Anyone who knows you must know about it by now,” laughed Angela.
“Exactly!” I told her.
I explained to her that for a few months, almost all my extra time had been spent learning, strategising and executing the farming project. I was miserable at my job, and after two years of complaining about it, I finally decided to do something about it.
My interest in farming came about when I started paying attention to healthy eating and awareness of all the food production and processing chemicals that were poisoning us slowly. When I told Brian about it, he quickly dismissed my concerns and hit me with, “Sure, but what can we do about it?”
I didn’t quite have an answer for him at that moment. I started small and planted vegetables in sacks and containers. Brian mostly complained that they were not aesthetically pleasing. He didn’t say much after the first harvest. I was so proud of myself and even shared some of the vegetables with friends and colleagues.
As I stayed at the draining job, this little hobby of mine nourished me. It also made me venture deeper into commercial farming. My weekends and leave days were filled with attending courses to learn more about my newfound interest and visiting farms.
Meanwhile, my relationship with Brian continued. We still had some good times, but my resentment was building up. His birthday came up, and I had gone out of my way to get him well-thought-out gifts.
“So, are you angry that he’s not paying as much attention to your interests as you do his?” Angela asked me.
“Yes, but it’s not just that,” I told her.
“Uh-huh… I’m listening,” Angela said.
“I feel like I have to justify what I like. I didn’t judge his likes and dislikes. I paid attention to what makes him happy, makes him tick, and what irks him.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but can I point out something?” Angela asked.
“I feel like you’re taking his side,” I said.
“No, I am not. You know I’ll always be on your side, but I can’t just be your ‘yes man’,” said Angela.
“I know,” I said begrudgingly.
“Should your partner love you in the same way you show love?” Angela asked me.
I took a moment to think about it.
“I wasn’t asking for more than I was giving,” I responded.
“Fair enough, but wouldn’t that imply that you’re ignoring the differences between people? Did you want him to pick up farming as his interest, too?” Angela asked.
“It would have been nice to share some of those trips and ideas with him, but mostly I needed him to show that he understood farming was important to me. You know, when something exciting or disheartening happens, and the first person you want to tell is your partner? I couldn’t do that with Brian because I felt he didn’t care,” I explained.
“That’s a bad place to be. Did you talk to him about it?” Angela asked.
“Yes. He said he didn’t ask me to pay attention to his interests, and I was unreasonable. I shouldn’t expect him to pick up every interest I picked up along the way. It’s unrealistic to expect adults to have the time for that,” I told her.
“Oh, honey! I’m so sorry. That was so dismissive of him. I’m glad you ended it with him,” said Angela.
“I know. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt, though,” I replied.
We enjoyed a meal as we further interrogated what we wanted from our partners.
Check out more stories
I Choose You But I Know You’re Not Mine
I’ve Been Secretly Seeing My Ex For Years
He Introduced Me To His Friend After Rejecting Me After Our Blind Date
He Accused Her Of Sabotaging His Project, But It Turns Out He Didn’t Know The Full Story
I Left My Girlfriend Because She Talked Too Much And Said Inappropriate Things At the Wrong Time
Comments
No comments yet. Be the first to share your thoughts.