My Friends Thought He Was A Loser But My Gut Feeling Told Me He Was A Diamond In The Rough

“I don’t know what to do. Do you see the dilemma I’m in?” I told my best friend. This was a few weeks after meeting Andrew.

“I don’t know why you’re calling it a dilemma. You have worked too hard to date a broke guy,” my best friend replied.

“He’s really smart and has good ideas. It feels like things just haven’t aligned yet for him. Plus, I’m really good at execution…”

“You want to treat this guy as another project management gig? Are you serious? Are you listening to yourself?” My best friend yelled. I hadn’t even finished my sentence when she cut me off.

“Don’t put it like that. I see something in him. He’s just rough on the edges, just requires a little nudge,” I said as I sipped my hot chocolate.

“Who are you and what have you done with my friend? No, really,” she said with a face filled with horror.

I didn’t meet her eyes. I understood her concerns. I would have told her the same things if the roles were reversed.

“Is the sex that good?” Asked my friend.

“It’s not about that,” I replied, blushing.

“Oh my God! Your lips and cheeks are saying different things,” she replied.

“I am not complaining, but it’s not about that. There’s something about Andrew. I don’t know how to explain it,” I replied.

“Said every woman who’s about to get greatly disappointed. We’re in 2025, hun, you don’t have to date him and play Barbara the Builder just for some strokes. Keep it casual or something,” said my friend as she took a large bite of her lunch.

“I know how I sound, but I really see potential in this guy, and he treats me well,” I replied.

“Hun, we’re in our 30s, are you sure you want to date potential? How old is he?”

“He’s 33,” I replied.

“See! No, this doesn’t sit well with me. Cut your losses and look for someone who’s already established. How can he even treat you right if he’s broke?” Asked my friend.

“I feel safe around him. He handles the stuff a man should without me asking,” I replied.

“Besides bills, you mean?” Said my best friend.

“Don’t be mean,” I responded defensively.

“I’m just stating facts. Okay, let me pretend his financial status isn’t a red flag. So, have you considered what happens if his situation doesn’t turn around? I’m yet to see relationships that work out when the woman openly out-earns the man. Don’t you think he’ll resent you or you’ll resent him and yourself too?” Asked my best friend.

“I have gone through all those possibilities,” I replied.

“And? You know, we can just learn from other people’s mistakes. We don’t have to jump into the ditch, too, for the lesson,” she said.

“I’m not playing a fool for love,” I said more sharply than I had intended to sound.

“I’m saying this because I love you, this isn’t a good idea,” replied my best friend.

It was a very long and uncomfortable lunch. I left with more doubts, yet something inside pushed me towards Andrew. He was different from the guys I had been meeting. Ignoring my best friend’s concerns and the doubts in my head, we started dating.

The first few weeks were rosy until a particular evening. We had come back from a meeting with one of my connections. My connection had offered Andrew a deal. I thought it was a good deal. Andrew didn’t.

“What’s there to think about? You could do with the money!” I shouted.

Andrew looked at me, took a few steps towards me, and said calmly, “I love you, and I want you in my life for a very long time, but I will not tolerate yelling. We can communicate with each other respectfully. Secondly, I appreciate you organising the meeting, but although I need the money, your friend’s offer is shady and I can’t get mixed up.”

I was surprised when he talked about my yelling, but his assessment of the offer was even more shocking. It led to a bigger fight, which involved me yelling a bit more and reminding him he needed it. He waited for me to finish talking and then left. We didn’t speak for three days when he sent me a message. A water purifier installer was supposed to fix a purifying system in my house, and I had asked Andrew to deal with him to avoid excess charges. Andrew texted to confirm the time that was happening.

He showed up the following day, ensuring the water filtration system was installed, and then left. I was puzzled. He refused an invitation to stay over for a meal and told me he was just honouring his word. Occasionally, some sayings ring true because his absence bred more fondness. I missed talking to him. I missed listening to his insights and his dorky jokes. However, I mostly missed how he made me feel.

In his absence, I took the time to reflect on our relationship and the fight. Within that period, my best friend asked about him, but I lied about our being okay. I knew she didn’t like him and didn’t need her to cloud my judgment. Weeks later, I met up with Andrew.

Seeing him had me flooded with emotions. From the long, warm hug he gave me, I knew he felt the same, but Andrew had a rule; we couldn’t have a serious conversation on empty stomachs. So we shared a meal and then took a long walk.

That walk was the defining moment of our relationship. I apologised for yelling because I saw how much it bothered him.

“Do you know why I hate yelling so much?” Andrew asked.

“No, but I know it hurt you,” I said.

“I grew up in a house full of yelling. I know how unproductive it is and the anxiety it creates. It was always the indicator that my folks were about to have a major fight, and sometimes I got physical with things flying all over the place. I swore I didn’t want for myself.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” I said with regret.

“Yeah. Maybe a part of me wonders whether yelling will trigger something in me,” Andrew said. He had a pensive look and lifted his cheek as though to force a smile to ease the depth of his worry.

We talked a bit more, and he explained his assessment of the deal my friend had offered him. I understood his perspective once he told me more about his hesitation. I opened up about my fears regarding his financial situation.

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t have such concerns,” he said.

“I’m also curious about the thing with the water purifier installation,” I said.

“I told you. I promised you I would help you with it, and I intended to keep it regardless of the fight,” said Andrew.

It was a difficult conversation, but it paved the way for an open relationship. We each had stuff to work on for the relationship to work. Andrew also got a great contract that changed his career trajectory a month later. In a year, he proposed.

“It seems you were right about, huh?” Said my best friend as she ogled at my ring.

“Sometimes a bit of faith, time, and intentionality is all it takes,” I said with a smile.

“I’m happy for you,” she said.

“I know you were looking out for me. Want to extend that role to being my maid of honour?” I asked her.

“I thought you’d never ask!” She said.

We had a wedding to plan.

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